To my precious Peyton Grace,
Happy 3rd birthday in heaven baby girl.
I can't believe you are 3. That 3 years ago was the last time i held you.
I can't believe I've survived this long without you. There were moments when I thought I wouldn't.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and the moments we might have had together.
I think back over the time we had together and I'm am thankful for those memories.
The kicks and nudges of love I felt from you when you were in my womb.
I carried you all your life and I am so blessed I got to spend that time with you.
On that late afternoon in December when I pushed through my grief and labor to give birth to you I had know idea how my life would change in that moment.
No idea how much my heart would grow and break all in the same moment.
I fell even more in love with you the moment I saw you.
How perfectly peaceful and beautiful you were.
Tiny little 4lb 14oz baby girl. With dark hair, and the most perfect pink lips.
I knew your soul was with our Lord and that gave me some sort of peace.
My heart was shattered but I knew I wasn't alone.
I was so lucky to have family and friends supporting me during that day and I'm thankful for all those who got to meet you and hold you.
To tell you how much you were and still are loved.
I often find myself wondering what you would be like today.
What you would play with, what you would be learning.
I imagine you full of spunk and happiness.
A fearless little girl with a big heart.
You'd be such a daddy's girl, he loves you so much.
I think about how much fun you and your little brother would have together.
All the things you would teach him.
I feel so sad knowing you two have to grow up apart.
Separated for a lifetime, until you meet in heaven.
I have a feeling you watch over him daily and I also believe he carries some of you with him every single day.
He has an extra glimmer that I know is you.
Through knowing you Peyton, I have been a better mother to Isaac.
I notice the small things he does more often than I think I would have.
The little giggles as he learns and grows are my favorite.
I have no doubt you would have made him laugh harder than anyone.
I am so thankful for you.
That you made me a mother.
That I get the opportunity to mother you from Earth.
It's taken me awhile to accept this, but if I had a choice to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing.
Because in knowing you I have felt and learned some of the most intense emotions a human can feel. Love, grief, joy, anger, empathy.
All these things that make me human and teach me about life.
Through loving you I have learned to love God more deeply than I ever have.
I know God has been grieving with me.
On days when I feel grief the most, like today, I know God is comforting me.
I am holding onto his promise that one day I will be reunited with you, and what a joyous day that will be.
Happy 3rd birthday in heaven baby girl.
I can't believe you are 3. That 3 years ago was the last time i held you.
I can't believe I've survived this long without you. There were moments when I thought I wouldn't.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and the moments we might have had together.
I think back over the time we had together and I'm am thankful for those memories.
The kicks and nudges of love I felt from you when you were in my womb.
I carried you all your life and I am so blessed I got to spend that time with you.
On that late afternoon in December when I pushed through my grief and labor to give birth to you I had know idea how my life would change in that moment.
No idea how much my heart would grow and break all in the same moment.
I fell even more in love with you the moment I saw you.
How perfectly peaceful and beautiful you were.
Tiny little 4lb 14oz baby girl. With dark hair, and the most perfect pink lips.
I knew your soul was with our Lord and that gave me some sort of peace.
My heart was shattered but I knew I wasn't alone.
I was so lucky to have family and friends supporting me during that day and I'm thankful for all those who got to meet you and hold you.
To tell you how much you were and still are loved.
I often find myself wondering what you would be like today.
What you would play with, what you would be learning.
I imagine you full of spunk and happiness.
A fearless little girl with a big heart.
You'd be such a daddy's girl, he loves you so much.
I think about how much fun you and your little brother would have together.
All the things you would teach him.
I feel so sad knowing you two have to grow up apart.
Separated for a lifetime, until you meet in heaven.
I have a feeling you watch over him daily and I also believe he carries some of you with him every single day.
He has an extra glimmer that I know is you.
Through knowing you Peyton, I have been a better mother to Isaac.
I notice the small things he does more often than I think I would have.
The little giggles as he learns and grows are my favorite.
I have no doubt you would have made him laugh harder than anyone.
I am so thankful for you.
That you made me a mother.
That I get the opportunity to mother you from Earth.
It's taken me awhile to accept this, but if I had a choice to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing.
Because in knowing you I have felt and learned some of the most intense emotions a human can feel. Love, grief, joy, anger, empathy.
All these things that make me human and teach me about life.
Through loving you I have learned to love God more deeply than I ever have.
I know God has been grieving with me.
On days when I feel grief the most, like today, I know God is comforting me.
I am holding onto his promise that one day I will be reunited with you, and what a joyous day that will be.
Happy 3rd Birthday baby girl!
Love you more than I could ever express.
-Momma
P.S. Don't worry, I'll eat some cake for you!
P.S. Don't worry, I'll eat some cake for you!
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