I find a lot of healing through words.
Most of the pages are filled with inspirational quotes, letters to Peyton.
A jumble of words to express how I was feeling.
Some doodles, of course.
As I was reading back through some of the pages,
I was immediately brought back into the raw emotional feelings of grief I had so often then.
It was hard for me to read some of them without feeling consumed with pain.
I was pretending to be strong then...though I felt incredibly weak.
People always make comments about how strong I am.
How they couldn't imagine going through such a loss.
I never really saw it the way others do.
I was strong because I had to be.
I really had no other choice.
Maybe I should give myself more credit, but that feels so strange to me.
I wish so badly I could go back and tell myself that I would survive.
That everyday would get a little easier.
That I would still have hard times, but I was capable of being strong.
That maybe, I really am strong.
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