Capture Your Grief Day 4: Now

This is me now...

Jordan (the hubs) snapped this picture of us last week.
My days are now spent caring for this sweet boy, Isaac.
The days are filled with his laughter.
He has helped me heal in ways I never thought possible.
He keeps my mind busy with his needs.
He fills the aching pain in my arms I felt after Peyton died,
The arms that so desperately wanted to hold a baby.
I am thankful for Isaac and his rainbow of light he brings to me.
But I still miss Peyton every single day.
It has been 2 years, 9 months, and 24 days since I last held her in my arms.
When I told her "hello" and "goodbye" at the same time.
I would say now, I am mostly happy.
The smile I had to fake for so long comes more naturally.
I have a good life and don't feel the sting of grief so often as I used to.
However,
I am left with crippling anxiety that I might never be without.
I worry about Isaac and his life more than is probably normal.
I am fearful he will also be taken too soon.
I've come to realize grief is both a blessing and a curse.
Yes, I have more fear of losing loved ones because death has touched me so deeply.
But this also means I love deeper than I ever have before.
It really makes me remember to take each day as a blessing.
To never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Now I choose to heal and not let myself become a victim of grief.
Now I choose happiness instead of pain.
Now I choose to live in the moment and be thankful for my journey.